Things are not as they seem

I've decided to put an all-out effort over the next few months into illustrating promo pieces for my portfolio based on Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. When I thought of it, it seemed like a good idea. It meant the onus was on Lewis Carroll to tell me what my next promo illustration would be, not me.

The bigger reason I decided to do it, though, was because of all the feedback I've been getting about my illustrations.

I'd rather not elaborate.

Last night I read the first chapter ("Down the Rabbit-Hole") and came up with quite a few ideas. The problem was, I had to do some character development first, so those ideas had to wait.

The other problem was, my character development has turned out pretty sanitized. Vanilla. 50% gray.

Alice lacks that Rotty flavor that my illustrations from yesterday had. She lacks any flavor at all, to be honest. I'm afraid I'm trying to draw what I think somebody else wants, not what I want. Of course, that's entirely the case, but if I want to get work (and I do) I need to give them what they want.

But I'm sure sanitization isn't it.

Back to the drawing board.

How do people do it?

I'll just say it: I'm tired.

I have a job. I mean, a regular, pack my lunch, get in the car and drive to work kind of job. When the day's over, I'm beat. I didn't used to be that way, but I didn't used to have this many revolutions around the sun under my belt.

I've got ideas. Book ideas. Illustration ideas. Painting ideas. Stuffed animal ideas. Resin figurine ideas. I just don't have the time or the energy to get all these ideas out there.

I'm totally slacking.

I've been spending tons and tons of time writing my novel, and I haven't spent enough time finishing my mailing list, and my postcard mailing is months behind. I have a long list of promo stuff I need to be doing with my Twisted book, but the list is collecting dust in the pile of all the other things I've started lists for.

My office space is a mess. I haven't cleaned in forever because, well, I've been writing a novel which, apparently, consumes a vast majority of one's life.

I've started a list of things I absolutely have to get working on tomorrow. Unfortunately, none of them involve creating anything. My mom used to write to-do lists for herself all the time. She died with a list sitting on her kitchen table.

I have a feeling I'll never get finished either.

Thanks for listening.